Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Pregnant and alone

Facing my mother was almost harder than I had expected. She didn't understand what I felt and how I am. I stormed away that night and I finally had enough. I needed to get away from the people who believed they controlled me. I was going to have this baby in a non-stressful environment. I packed up everything that I owned and got on the first plane to a place called Isla Paradise. Spencer stayed behind to sort out the things at home while I went off on my own. It was obvious that he was worried about my behavior.

I didn't know where I was going from here. Staying on Langly island suddenly just became to much for me to handle. My mother, my father, my brother, my sister, they all pushed at me and pushed at me to become a person that I don't want to be. I wanted to be a mother, but on my own terms. My mom forced upon me a lifestyle that I never would have chosen on my own.

My past has given me a lot to reflect on. I've never imagined that I'd rather be on my own again than with my family. I paced around the tiny house looking at everything that I now owned. That old life is behind me. If I can help it, my family will never see me again. Soon it will just be Spencer, the baby, and me.

The first step to this new life is to find a new job. I was looking for something that described me and I could live with for the next few years, until I get my feet on the ground and a new house that doesn't rely on the water. I ended up applying for three positions, only willing to accept the one that gave me the best chance of survival. This is how I got my job working for the military.

I didn't start to get sick until the afternoon of the next day. That is how I knew that the little one in my stomach was growing ever slowly. I spent most of my hours watching movies on my dingy TV and waiting for Spencer to text me, telling me how hard it is to move his business from one island to another.

I wasn't sure how to handle this amount of loneliness. I needed some sort of companionship, so I adopted a cat. It was pretty unusual for me to crave the company of a furry little beast but I brought one home anyway. I called him Tiger.  

The day after I brought Tiger home, I started my new job. There was something a little thrilling about dressing up in a white shirt and camo pants to set out to help those that need it. I wasn't yet sure if the military was for me but this is how I find out.

It was really easy these days to just forget all of my troubles. As my due date lingered closer and closer I felt as though my mood was shooting upwards. I was about to have a companion that would only need me, only want me.  

"Hey!" Was the first thing that Spencer said to me after a week of half-hearted replies over text. It took me a bit by surprise.
"Hey. How's the move going?"
"Just about through, I have a few more things that have to be taken care of before I can even think about leaving here. Your mom and I had a long talk last night."
"Yeah. She's not really happy about the move. She already misses you."
"Shoulda thought of that, shouldn't she?"
"Ande, are you alright?"
"I'm fine. It's just really isolated over here. There isn't much to do and this baby is giving me a bit of a hard time.
"Well, I'm sure you can find something that you like to do. Didn't you have any hobbies as a teenager?"
"Not really. Hey Spence I'm sorry but I'm feeling really sick. I'll give you a call back a little later."
"Don't keep me waiting too long. I love you."

As soon as his voice left my ear, I curled up in my bed and caressed my belly and cooed softly. I fell asleep there with my cat like every other night before.

Hazel Grace Langly was born 2 days later, at 3:45 AM.


  1. Hazel is a very cute. Excited for the post! I thought you gave this up??!!

  2. Do you have a scedualle [sry i can't spell that] for when you post stuff cuz i love this and i want more!!!

    1. I really don't post all that often and I don't have a schedule. I'm a senior in high school and I haven't been able to post anything recent. I have been working on a new post though :)