Sunday, September 23, 2012
How on earth could my life have been already so messed up and I'm only 20 years old. I've never thought of myself as someone who could get themselves into anything within an hour.
That babysitter was getting her trial soon and I was expected to be there because of the damage done to me. But if it was up to me...She'd be locked away right now.
As soon as the car pulled up in front of the house, the kids jumped out and I was tackled the moment I stepped outside. "Mom! Are you okay?" Canary sang at me. I was surprised because my beautiful little girl was now a teenager. As well as all of the other children. I pulled each one into my arms and gave them a huge hug...I had never felt more like a mother then I did when I was holding my own flesh and blood in my arms.
"We came over to help you out at home for awhile.." Mom said, dad holding her hand. "We're worried about you. How is it that it takes you only a week being alone and you're already in the hospital? I wouldn't be surprised if it was the mental hospital next..." She said, making her way inside.
I hollered behind her "You know, it would help if you would stop letting me leave."
I was perfectly happy with all my kids with me...that was until Eden jumped out from behind me saying "Ands! Guess what?!"
"I'm engageeeeeeed!" I looked at my little sister confused. "You're getting married? Who in their right mind would marry you?"
She scoffed and shoved her diamond ring into my face. "See? Engagement ring. I'm getting married."
I pulled her hand up to my nose to get a good look at the diamond ring which was shining in the light of the sun right into my eyes.
"Nice." I said, pushing her hand away from my face and continued my walk inside.
I stopped in my tracks and turned back to her. "Aphrodite is getting married? When?"
"A couple months. She wants you to be her maid of honor."
"Why hasn't she called me?"
"She's tried. About a billion times, too."
I felt really bad for not being near a phone for so long...My best friend and my sister were both getting on with their lives and I was stuck right in the middle with mine. Why did mom have to do this to me
baby. At many times, that baby was me. Even when I was a full grown woman with kids on her own. I was tired of my mom wanting to take care of me. It was getting tiring and I know that without her I'd be in a hard place...But I want to try things on my own for awhile.
I showed each of the guests (Aka my family) to a room so they could sleep. In the morning, I woke everyone up and we walked inside to the living room where we sat down together. My mom put her hands in her lap and I remember thinking that I have never really seen her without that uptight attitude that she has around me. My dad used to tell me that mom always had fun before I was born. I guess I just ruin everything with them.
"Mom. I'm fine."
"No, you aren't. You may act fine but you can't handle doing this all on your own and I've seen that from a first hand view. You attract trouble and I can't ever see you doing anything less."
"I can't anymore. We want you to come back and live with us until you learn how to do things on your own."
"If you think that's going to happen, you're insane."
"Maybe I am. But I'm worried about you and so are all of us. We can't stand seeing you suffer anymore and maybe it's for the best."
I walked out of the room and into the kitchen where I yanked open the fridge and grabbed a coke. I popped it open and took a long sip before my dad showed up in the doorway.
"You know, your mom is only trying to help you."
"I know dad, but as soon as she comes to her senses and realizes that I'll probably never move in with you, I don't want her help."
"That's not the only reason she wants you to come home."
"Then what is?"
"Abel. He's just like you in ways that we aren't sure how to deal with."
"What do you mean?"
"He doesn't talk to us. He's into some bad stuff and we don't know what to do. We think that he'll talk to you if you make an effort."
I studied his face and gave him a puzzled look. "Why didn't you just ask me then?"
He coughed and grabbed my hands to pull me close so he could whisper to me "Mom was scared."
I pulled Abel away from the living room. Mom gave dad a face that expressed her emotions fully. It was a look of shock and thanks mixed with something else that I couldn't decipher.
"We'll be back in just a minute. We need to talk." I told mom. Eden threw her feet up onto the loveseat that Abel just occupied and she laughed. "Good luck, Ande." Were her only words.
He shrugged and sat down at the table. "I have no reason to tell you anything about anything." His voice got lower since the last time I saw him. It was hard watching your little siblings grow up in the same situations that you've gone through.
"Yes you do, I'm your sister and I want to help you."
"You and a million others."
"If you would listen to me, you'd know what I wanted to tell you-"
"I don't care! Don't you understand that?"
I pulled a chair up and got right up into his face. Barely in a whisper, I hissed "Don't you understand, Abel? I'm exactly like you. When I was your age, I ran away from home and got into some stuff that I should never have! I ran away to Bridgeport and almost died in the process. You have no idea how bad this stuff can get."
He just stared into my eyes for minutes upon minutes. "I know." As he gripped my hands which were clamped on the side of his chair. I thought he was going to throw something at me or scream at me, but instead he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me for about as long as he stared.
He let go of me and walked out of the room. I pulled myself together and walked back into my living room. My dad looked at me with a surprised expression, I figure he just watched my little brother sulk out of the house.
I clapped my hands together and said "Who wants to go on a little picnic?"
I hobbled out into the middle of the grass and sat down the picnic basket. My mom followed close behind with all of my children with her. Dad had a toddler in his arms and my oldest quads looked like they needed some sun. They were as pale as the sand around the river. We sat down on our picnic blankets and ate a meal as a family. All of the kids laughed and talked with their grandpa, grandma, aunt, and uncle while I helped the younger ones eat all of their food.
"Hey, Ande?" Eden said from around Canary. "You need to try this watermelon!" I laughed and picked up a piece, and digging my teeth in for a huge bite right before I felt my water break.
"Oh shit." I whispered under my breath. "Guys, I gotta cut this a bit short. I'll be back in just a little bit.." I trailed off into a silent scream which echoed inside my own head.
It didn't take long for baby 28 to show up, I held up little Eric and kissed his forehead as my family oooed and aahed from where they were stuffing hamburgers in their mouths and laughing along with this little guy. I only felt contractions one more time after Eric and that was his little twin sister whom I named Ellie. They were toted home and put to bed soon after they were born.